What else are you, besides a mom?

Susie posed this question to all of us mamas during prenatal yoga last night and it was a tough one to answer - What else are you, what is your identity, besides being pregnant or a mom?  What else is there about you?

What a hard question to answer on the spot!  Coming from a mom with three kids, she was struggling with the answer herself, so I think that's why she asked it of us.  It was hard for me to answer and all I could come up with was "I am a yogi" because it seems that these days, with working full time (as a teacher), then doing yoga teacher training at Desert Song AND being a mom - I really have no time for identifying with anything else.  Saying "I'm a teacher" is boring and I felt like the yoga part was a bit boring too - but really it's all I do.  Eat, sleep, teach, parent, yoga, repeat.  Anyone else feel like they just do the same thing all the time and have maybe lost sight of themselves a bit?

What did I like to do before I was a mom?  I loved going to the movies, it was my favorite thing, hard to do without a babysitter these days.  I liked to work out, go to yoga classes (not yoga training, there is a difference because you aren't taking notes/studying), running on the treadmill - also hard to do as someone who is 32 weeks pregnant.  What else?  I love watching trashy TV shows and it's why I stay up until 10:30pm after everyone else in my house has gone to bed, just so I can have that one hour to myself to do what I like to do.  What else?  I can't even remember.

You know what I do remember?  Being bored.  Being able to take a nap when I was tired.  Being well-rested.  Being able to go to the movies.  Staying up late.  Man, I DO miss those days.

Cheryl Oliver came to teach us Sanskrit in our YTT training and she said this:

“I am a _______.”  Answer the question.  Then take it away and what do you feel?  

It was an interesting thought because I of course responded, in my head, with "I am a mother."  Then I took it away and I was really sad.  Then she said:

"If we build our identity on something external to us, then we are destined to suffer.  At a deep level, if we build our sense of self on something that is changeable, we will suffer.  If yoga is about reducing suffering and increasing happiness – make sure you hitch your star next to something that is never changing.  Yoga is the ability to no longer be affected by the stories we tell ourselves or the stories other people tell us about who we are.”

That's big, HUGE.  We need to choose something to complete that sentence that does not define us in a way that we will suffer greatly if it is gone.  She was right, at any point, god forbid, something could happen and I might not be a mother anymore (or Lemon and baby boy grow up and move out).  Then what?  I am destined to suffer.

Identity.

What a crazy thought.  What is my identity if it isn't being a wife, teacher, mother, yogi?  Is there something else?  What do I like to do in my free time, if I weren't being a mother?  What do you like to do?  

I pose this question to you:  "I am a ___________" and encourage you to answer it in the comments below.  It takes some thought, but I know you can do it.  :)

Some pictures from last night's class (Susie teaches prenatal on Wednesdays at 5:45pm, join us!):

Balance & Motherhood

A beautiful post by Anna, who teaches our monthly kids' workshops . . .

How does one find balance in a role that has so many demands - where a person gives so much of oneself and has to find time to meet one’s own minimal needs like showering, eating, looking nice, brushing her teeth? Motherhood can be so crazy at times. Not to mention situations where the baby is sick, or a family member gets sick and even more responsibility gets put on the mother.  Balance is a word that flashes before me when I feel so overwhelmed and I often ask myself, “How did I get to this moment?”

Staying in the moment helps a mother find balance. It empowers her to see where one may feel unbalanced, and make changes on an as needed basis; which guides me into setting intentions. I have yet to meet a mother who did not set out to be the best parent she knew how to be. It is common for a mother to set the intention to guide a child to be the best he or she can be. Setting out to do her best, in raising her child, is really a step in the right direction of being successful on one’s own terms of being a good mother. The intention set is not an expectation of how things have to turn out. It’s a starting point on a journey that may have many turns, ups and downs along the way. Expectations are made to be broken, with love. They are set to reach for, but the reality is they are ideas, not a destination. It’s a direction to take with the intention as a starting point.

Messes - this is a word to apply when a mother feels like everything is in chaos on any level. As I look around my house, I see little messes of toys everywhere, then I see my other kids’ clutter all around the kitchen, shelves, and cubbies. If I had time I would de-clutter more, but that is really just an expectation I have yet to set out to work towards, and these are just physical messes. How do I stay flexible to the different stages my kids are in? It's finding balance in my expectations I have for them, teaching them how to de-clutter more efficiently, or teaching the toddler how to put his toys away. I know this stage (or stages) don’t last forever. “This too will pass," is a common phrase I use.

As I sit here and type these little moments of motherhood I have experienced so far, I really just want to say that it’s a journey that is to be received with open arms. Motherhood is a facet of life that cannot truly be controlled, but is to be experienced. When a mother is too rigid about how things are done, she misses out on some of the joys of being a mom. When a mother is too flexible, she tends to lose herself and feels too out of control.  Motherhood is about finding a balance in herself and with others that need her care.

Anna's next kids' class is Saturday, March 26th at 10:15am for kids ages 4-10, only $12.  Register online or call the studio.

I Am Enough

Happy Friday everyone!  Today we have a lovely guest post from a Desert Song teacher, Jen.  Jen teaches the Kids' and Teens' class, and also the once a month free kids' class at Whole Foods Camelback.  She is truly an inspiring teacher on and off the mat and works with children in her personal and professional life.  Check out her post below . . .

Messages we send our kids . . .

So, I am a mom in lots of different ways - as we each are. It has only taken me several decades on this planet and help from my Teacher to embrace this idea.  I do not have biological children of my own, but I am blessed to be part of children's lives in all sorts of incarnations.  My training as a social worker and my passion for giving kids a chance in life led me to consider what may hopefully be an ongoing topic here.  What are the messages we send our kids?

Part of my work in the world is to look at perspectives and to bring in diverse ones whenever possible.  So, I think the topic of what messages we send kids could be a really insightful one and give us food for thought.  Let me know your thoughts (in the comments below) and if it sounds interesting enough to continue exploring.  

Messages we send our kids . . . 

Speaking really personally here, as in a huge part of my personal and spiritual work, I have spent 45+ years really trying to intimately get to know this concept:  I AM ENOUGH.

I found the literal expression of this concept a few weekends ago at one of my favorite local shops, Purple Lizard Boutique, in downtown Phoenix.  Below I have included a photo of the print that I purchased while I was there.  If I think pie-in-the-sky ideas and could have anything I wanted . . . I would wish for EVERY child of the universe to learn and embrace this truth.  

Now I have a little story to accompany this concept that really is yet another reminder of the simple work we each can do to help support a child towards realizing they are absolutely enough. I work at an elementary school as a social worker and over 95% of our students meet the federal poverty guidelines.  This week has been all about honoring the life and books of Dr. Seuss, and each day we had a different theme. One day was matching sock day, another was twin day, and on this day - hat day - a little third grader excitedly ran up to me saying, "Ms. White - look at my hat!"  It was a magnificent 'hat' consisting of two, round velveteen ears, sparkly sequins and was hot pink and black with a fuchsia bow. She further exclaimed, "Yeah, we went to the rich people's mall and I got this hat."  WHOA. STOP. WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY?  I didn't know there were "rich people malls" or "poor people malls?" This is the point where I stepped into a Tweety and Sylvester cartoon and I just got thunked over the head with a bat, and a bump slowly sprouted up between my ears!  I must say, I have those moments a lot more often than I will admit, AND I knew this was such a moment of poignancy, of possibility; and a moment to validate her experience. To share that SHE, however she shows up in this world, IS ENOUGH. 

So, I took this little girl and her Minnie Mouse ears (she had been to the Disney Store and spoke about it as if it had been some magical, far-off country instead of just Scottsdale), and hugged her and exclaimed, "Those are the most beautiful ears in the whole world, but they pale in comparison to the awesome girl wearing them!"  

This story could go a million different ways, and it is my hope that it sparks some experience in you where you can pause, remember, or recognize in yourself and in others that I AM ENOUGH. We must send this message to all the kids in our lives.  We are each, enough.

Happy weekend everyone!

In kindness,

Jen